Girl, thanks for the groove.

I grew up across the street from Denise. From first grade to fourth we walked to and from school together. And we sat next to one another at lunch. She brought her lunch from home. I ate the school's hot lunch. Denise's meals were punctuated by wonderful German cakes and pastries. Mine were not. Denise was generous with her desserts -- she'd give me half. When her mother discovered that I was eating Denise's lunches she started packing extra delicious tidbits for me. Suffice it to say, I've been hooked on Denise and her family for 30 some years.

What luck for me that Denise called me a friend. She didn't have to. She had lots of friends. She played well with others. I ran with scissors. Plus, I ate her desserts. But she was loyal! I was empowered by her friendship. I was nurtured by her friendship. There are a lot of us who were.

I hope my daughter (who thought Denise a marvel) grows up to have friendships that empower and nurture the way being friends with Denise did me. But even more importantly, I hope my daughter will grow up to be the kind of friend Denise was. Denise let you know she loved you by how she'd listen, and share, and laugh (that true, contagious, chin-lifted, tongue-between-teeth laugh). She had remarkable patience. She was generous. But she was also always there to challenge you to get something more out of every single day or experience. And she let you know that she couldn't wait for the fun of sharing that little extra something.

At the NYC memorial, Hugh, one of the Next Stage musicians Denise worked with, and I talked. He told me how he and Denise rehearsed a particularly tough piece, trying to interpret the work, using each others' understanding of the thing to understand it more completely themselves. He described how when they finally managed to get in sync, to make the music happen, they looked at one another, big smiles all around, nodding "oh yeah!" while jamming on. I couldn't help but think what a magical thing to share in, musical collaboration.

Driving home after the memorial I realized that Hugh's description of finding a musical groove with Denise was more than just a snapshot of two musicians together making headway in song. The ideal of collaboration he described, this beautiful, recursive, non-judgmental, non-hierarchical, almost Utopian approach to shared experience so perfectly captured what I'll remember as the essence of Denise's approach to our collective time here together on Earth. She was always up for the effort of getting a groove on -- and she hoped we were, too.

To Denise: Thanks for dessert. Thanks for the groove. All my love, hf